A Word to the Wise: Appendix

So, anyone remember that near solid week of posting I did where I was kicking out my oldest sister for being a lazy bum and sponging off me, my hubby, and my mom? And all of that mess? No? Well here’s the link to ALL of that mess so you can catch up.

Moving on!

Here is likely my last post on the subject (how many times have I said that now?) of my oldest sister. Today, hubby received a call from her probation officer… asking for her. He called back, noticing the missed call was from the probation office. So he left a message. Then he got around to listening to the voicemail. And boy, that was fun. He called back, left a message saying she didn’t live here nor use that number.

This afternoon, her probation officer (White, or Wiley, or something with a W. We’ll just call him Officer W. from this point on okay) called him back. In hubby’s message he left, the second one directly to Officer W.’s number, he stated that the last known address of my sister was Bartow Motel. Apparently, sister checked out sometime on Wednesday. None have seen or heard from her since. Well, not that we know of anyway. Hubby talked with him a bit, unsure exactly what was said (as I was on FB at the time and watching my kid, and basically just dicking around on the laptop when I should have been working on my projects) but what I DO know is that he did tell Officer W. that my sister was pushing hard for us to get her into The Guest House, so to check there. He also told Officer W. about the mysterious boyfriend we’ve never met nor seen. That all we know is they’d meet up at the library, he had a truck of some sort, and his name was Jamie (but sister called him Jimmy. Likely to bug me and my hubby, as that’s hubby’s name as well). But again, we’ve never met nor seen this guy. He’s never come to pick her up from the house or drop her off (that we have seen). In all honesty, we don’t even know if this guy even exists. So, that said, hubby told Officer W. it might be a long shot, but she does still legally have a husband. So try asking him. We don’t have contact, but know where he lives. So, we told Officer W. his address. Stated again it was a long shot, but we honestly don’t have any other information as to where she is, could be, or what’s happened to her.

As for the letter we received in the mail after she left, the one that was sent from the probation office itself and post-marked the day she left my home, we now know what it was, as hubby had asked and Officer W. told him what it was. It was a letter stating that her probation officer needed to see her in person, and that she needed to come to the office. Hubby was able to find out that much.

So, if anything develops further, I suppose I’ll write up another post, or add on to this one or something I guess. Anyway, that’s the end of the saga as far as I know.

Word to the Wise: OPERATION CLEAN-UP DAY 2 (posted a day late)

So the clean-up continues! My living room now in order, I set my sights on my bedroom. My bedroom had become a catch-all storage area for everything we either didn’t want stolen, mixed in with my sister’s stuff, or things we needed to have quick access to. This went on for 4 months. Now, it’s back to normal (mostly). I just have some extra blankets that need to be put away for storage until the winter, something I’ll have to buy bins for, as we needed to do this regardless of whether my sister moved in or not. It’s just that we can finally now GET to them. But at least now my room isn’t full of spiders, and neither is my living room. The bathroom is, and will always be a work in progress until I get the OK from landlord at some point to start renovations on it. I mean, the guy they had come in to do the floors before, he sucks. He doesn’t know what he was doing, and the kind of board he was using? Yeah, when it gets wet at all, it gets super weak. And unfortunately since he didn’t know what he was doing, he left a gap between the wall and the floor, the hole for the toilet wasn’t cut out correctly, causing my toilet to tilt slightly to the right, and let’s be honest, you don’t leave BARE DRYWALL in the shower. It molds and mildews like you wouldn’t believe. So that’ll have to be ripped out completely and replaced. And I DO NOT trust any of the maintenance men they have on staff because the first time we had a problem, the ceiling fan nearly set the house on fire after it was “fixed”. They had to go out and hire an actual electrician to come and fix that problem.

So yeah, not trusting their handy guys, and totes gonna try for getting it done ourselves. My hubby has quite an eclectic working history that does include actual residential construction, and yes, he’s really freaking good at it. So that’ll help cut the costs of repairing this house as well. We’ll only have to hire outside help when it’s something out of my hubby’s depth (such as electricity or plumbing). But when it comes to floors, roofs, walls, doors, cosmetic repairs, etc. My hubby is THE MAN.

And now that I’ve digressed quite a bit, let’s get back on track.

Clean-up is going well. I’m looking at buying mold and mildew inhibiting paint to do the entire house in. Had to throw away my favorite back-pack that I’ve had for over 10 years (seriously, this thing, it was great! Had these super soft back cushions built in along with strap cushions. Had a cooling-weave to keep from overheating due to your back being covered by the backpack, AND it had so many pockets you could carry about half a cart of small groceries home on your back comfortably and without issue. AND IT KEPT COLD THINGS COLD! Alas, it’s gone now).

Today, on day 3, which is when I’m writing and posting the info of Day 2, I’m doing the kitchen and a bit more on the bathroom. I imagine the kitchen is going to take 3-4 days total, as the chemicals I need to use in there are quite strong and harsh, and there’s little to no ventilation. Also because I’ve got a busy week ahead of me. Hubby has surgery follow-up tomorrow morning at 9:45AM. Son has developed an ear infection, likely due to his allergies (all of the dust getting kicked up in the last week getting rid of my sister and cleaning up the aftermath) so I’ll have to take him in tomorrow as well. Hopefully tomorrow. I’ll be pushing for tomorrow. Tuesday looks like the only day I’ll likely have free. Wednesday I’ve got to be in Rome for a SSI hearing for my niece since I was her rep-payee for about 6 months during a period of time her case was in review (this decides whether or not she gets to keep her disability check). Thursday I have physio, as well as Friday. Friday is also the dog’s bath day. Friday I’m also posting August’s completed chapter of my fanfic, which I’ve started updating monthly. In between all of this I still have my usual household errands and duties.

So yeah, cleaning the kitchen is going to take a few days at the very least. Not that I’m complaining. I not only need to get my house back in shape, I WANT to get my house back in shape!

Also, last night there was a big ass U-Haul truck parked in front of my assholey neighbors’ house. The main asshole, Eddie, had to get a cab home last night with one of his buddies, and his car didn’t appear until sometime around 9AM this morning. The U-Haul is now gone, but hey, a woman can dream can’t she?

Things with hubby and I are getting back to normal (at least for us anyway). We’ve been on the rocks for a good while now, but we’re getting it straightened back out. A lot of it actually is on my end, as I’m jealous as fuck and he’s a huge flirt. Fortunately when other people, especially women, are flirting with him he’s oblivious about 90% of the time. Meanwhile I’m standing there wanting to scratch their eyes out the whole time. But that’s an issue I’m working on, and we’re working on things together.

There’s one major silver lining to this entire experience with my sister. There is no more “try” there is only “WILL”. As in, I’m not going to TRY and sort myself out, or TRY to work on my personal issues. I WILL sort myself out. I WILL work on my personal issues.

Also, guys, here’s a handy marital tip I picked up from “How I Met Your Mother”. Yeah, it’s not the greatest idea, but it’s actually helped us MASSIVELY, especially this past week when dealing with my sister’s bullshit. Pausing Fights. See, when hubby and I really get going with a fight, it can get ugly. Won’t go into detail, but ugly enough that now we’re out the other side of the family crisis with my sister, we’re looking at getting marriage and family counseling.

How it works is this: When emotions get running too high, or things that have nothing to do with why we’re actually fighting work their way into it, one of us calls pause. We stay in pause to handle things that otherwise would go undone due to fighting. Like household chores, errands, time sensitive things, etc. Then, after we’ve both calmed down and cooled our heads, we check that the other person is also calmed down and then we unpause, and resume the discussion in a more collected manner. When or if things get out of hand again, we pause until we settle down. Yes, it can drag fights out for a few days, but lemme tell you this: neither one of us has been shouting, nor have we snapped hateful words to each other. Because we make ourselves take a few moments, or hours, whatever’s needed. And the word “pause” in the context we use it says in a single word “this isn’t over, we will finish this, but there’s more important things we need to be getting on with”. Since instituting this system on July 31st, we’ve only had 2 arguments which lasted over a period of 3 days each. So that’s not too bad for us. As a matter of fact, it’s better than where we were at before.

I’m also insisting on more open communication, and that rather than standing up and talking about important or frustrating things, we sit down beside or in front of one another and talk about it. That way again, we’re on the same page and we don’t let things get to the fighting point.

I know the “pause” tip won’t work for everyone, but hey, it’s a good start for us. 🙂

Now then, lunch and cleaning need my attention.

Word to the Wise: OPERATION CLEANUP – DAY 1

First, I’d like to remind everyone, my comic posted today over on it’s blog, so if you want a chuckle or corny jokes, go there at some point today. Link in the sidebar.

Now then, today is Day 1 of OPERATION CLEANUP.

So far the casualties are:

  • 2 end tables – mold/mildew – trash
  • 1 infant’s walker – mold/mildew – trash
  • 1 mirror – left behind – donate
  • 4 pillows – mold/mildew – trash
  • 4 blankets – mold/mildew – trash
  • 1 pillowcase – mold/mildew – trash
  • 1 crate – mildew – possibly salvagable
  • 3 books – mold/mildew – trash
  • 1 box magazines – unknown – possibly partially salvagable
  • 1 wooden trunk, green + contents – mold/mildew on outside only – COMPLETELY SAVED
  • 3 throw pillows for sofa – mold/mildew/unknown – trash

So far, I’ve had to vacuum my living room 4 times in 1 spot (where the sofa sits), and have treated the carpet with foaming cleaner and hydrogen peroxide. Vacuumed to get up as much wetness as possible, scented powder now down to pick up the rest. Currently waiting for that right now.

In the kitchen, still a mess. Removed 1 set of shelves that will be broken down and thrown away. It’s in no way salvageable, and doesn’t even have a back on it anyway. So, it’s gone.

Side note: Will probably see our spider problem start to lessen up, as I believe message has now not only been received but understood. Also, now I can go grocery shopping and NOT have to put my son’s name on his own damn food. So yay! Now here’s some pics of my livingroom all cleaned up! (Compared to the MESS it was in this post here. Pictures at the end of that particular post.)

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My livingroom now. (Pardon the drying rack in the corner.)

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My livingroom now. Yay! I can finally reach my bookshelf!!!

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My livingroom now. Yay! We have space to eat at the table again! Now if only we had enough chairs…

A Word to the Wise: The End.

Well. To those following along the drama and chaos of which I have been blogging about this weekend… It is finally over. The nightmare ends. My life, our lives, are our own once again. And I have finally been able to relax this evening for the first time in months. Truly relax.

My mother this morning took me to pick up the moving truck. After dropping me off, she took my sister around town, first to The Guest House, where they learned that the entire time they were jerking our chains. Not surprising, and totally expected actually. My mother MADE my sister stand there and listen to it, too. To prove that we have, in fact, done everything in our power to fulfill the request. THEN my mom took her around town to wherever she could to unload her freeloading ass. Finally, she landed at Bartow Motel. Admittedly, that particular place is regularly raided for prostitution and drugs, but hey, it’s conveniently located near the sherriff’s department and the county jail, so at least it wouldn’t be too far of a walk home for her if necessary.

Anyway, so when I got home, I texted my mom to let her know the truck was ready, but I wouldn’t be loading it until she and my sister got back. Mom texted me back that sister said I could load her belongings onto the front porch. So I went through my bathroom, where she had left a few items (she’s famous for leaving a few things in there so she has a reason to go back inside and fuck with stuff), and then went through my kitchen, pulling all of THAT first so she would have no reason to go deeper into my home unless she had to legitimately pee.

She got back shortly after I had started loading my porch, and set right to work getting her stuff into the truck. In an hour, we were ready to go. I stopped by the gas station to get myself a drink and told her to go inside and buy food for herself. Back on the road, I offered to take her to the grocery store that was on the way. I offered three times. Each time she declined. We arrived at her new place and I made her unload everything herself. I got up in the truck and pushed everything to the front. She left some boxes, so I told her they would be dumped off somewhere. Either trashed or Goodwill, whichever one I came to first. She said she understood. I said any furnature she left behind would meet the same fate. She said she understood.

She tried to hug me, I told her if she touched me I would call the police.

Everything was over and done with in time for me to get home, get some food, a shower, and head off to physical therapy.

From this point on, I let nature take it’s course as it always does. She is gone. She is out of my life.

And now my family can get back to normal, and I can clean my house.

I’ll buy a smudging kit in a few days and get rid of all the bad juju next.

So, in the end, if anyone wishes to take a lesson from this…. if taking in someone is unavoidable, make sure they don’t start getting mail at your house by getting them a P.O. Box, and never EVER EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES allow them to have anything to do with anything requiring your home address being anywhere near any official paperwork. EVER. And ALWAYS draw up a lease, make them sign and date it, stating that they will be out of your home in 89 days, and that if they violate any of the terms of the lease, you (the landlord in this instance) have the right to have them removed from the premises. Remember, NO MAIL TO ESTABLISH RESIDENCE. And stay there NO MORE THAN 89 DAYS OTHERWISE RESIDENCE IS ESTABLISHED ANYWAY.

A Word to the Wise: Extended Cut

So, continuing on in this series of posts about my sister, in which I am documenting my sister’s stay in my home, as well as her departure.

Yesterday, it was supposed to be resolved. However, the room at The Guest House, where she is requesting, will not have a room ready until HOPEFULLY today. The ONE room they have had come open suddenly needed a LOT of work done to it. In the meantime, we’ve been calling around town trying to find out if there is anywhere else with a room open.

One place I called this morning, The Crown Inn, has a room. Unfortunately not for an entire week. The conversation went thusly:

Me: Hi, do you have any rooms available?

Phone Guy: Oh yes yes yes. $45.

Me: For a week?

Phone Guy: Oh no no no. We no have room. Call back Monday. *click*

So my mom called Efficiency Lodge this morning. They don’t have anything open at the moment, but my mom was told to call back at Noon, because that is check-out time, and something might come open then. Unfortunately, noon is when I go to pick up the truck.

You see, yesterday there was a snafu with the U-Haul truck. It was booked for the wrong date. In my haste to get this over and done with, I booked it for the correct day, just the wrong date. Got that straightened out, thank goodness. But now we sit with no idea where to take the bitch and her shit. I’ve got a truck pick-up at noon for a full 24 hours (after the woman at the truck place heard my story, which I tried not to tell, she gave me an extended reservation for no extra cost. But I couldn’t take yet ANOTHER thing going wrong yesterday during all of this mess. So I burst into tears and told her EVERYTHING.) When I got done there and called a cab, I was waiting for nearly an hour. Finally, stressed and paranoid, I started hoofin it home. Got about 1/3rd of the way there before I collapsed and had to call my mom to pick me up. I just couldn’t take the thought of my family alone in the house with my sister any longer than necessary. The cab was taking FOREVER. And I just freaking snapped.

Today, the plan is to pick up the truck. I’ve got physio today at 3, which I CANNOT CANCEL AGAIN. If I do, it might get dropped and have to start the process all over again. But the fact is, this bullshit is now affecting my medical care. We will have the truck for 24 hours, so the truck will be here in case of emergency while I am out. So, we’re calling different places around town trying to find an open room for the week. Because honestly, we can’t take it anymore. We’re calling Efficiency back around noon. I’m calling Guest House at 1pm to check on the goddamned carpet job. Gonna have to physically go down to Bartow Motel to find anything out, and Crown Inn is only renting rooms to prozzies at the moment so…. yeah. Sitting in the Extended Cut holding pattern right now. And will have 24 hours to get this shit said and done.

Also, sister supposedly has a job. She starts at 6 tonight. Supposedly. Hate to say it, but I’m actually looking into this to see if it’s legit or not.

EDIT FOR DOCUMENTATION: 10:56AM, August 5th, 2015 – Mom went to tell sister the current options available to us at the moment due to various room availabilities (or lack thereof) around town. Sister had a meltdown/blow up. Came into my bedroom ranting and raving. I now have my computer webcam recording. My mother has (I hope) taken my sister from the home to go around to the different places to get her a room somewhere. I am recording for my and my family’s protection at this point. Hopefully I can keep it recording all day and the entire time until this is over. I will be uploading the video footage to a secure server that I can access on other computers to ensure I have access in case something happens to my computer.

EDIT FOR DOCUMENTATION: 11:00AM, August 5th, 2015 – Mom will take me to get truck as planned. She will drive my sister around to find a place. That way I don’t have to. If for some reason mom can’t then she will draw up rules and have her sign them for the period until she is out of my house. I am leaving my computer recording.

Word to the Wise: The Light is Dim and Flickering, but Still Mostly There

So, in the previous posts leading to this one, (I’ll come up with a special category for it all to link to probably after it’s all over) I’ve detailed my experience in dealing with my sister this last weekend.

In my last post, I stated that there is a plan of action currently which involves me getting and paying for a moving truck, and paying the first week’s rent in a pay-by-week place for my sister. The place she specially requested in her written statement saying that she will vacate my home, if we 1) pay first week’s rent and 2) pay to have her belongings transported, currently does not have a room available. She refuses to go anywhere else, ranting and shouting about how she cannot get anywhere. How the only other option she has would require walking 7 miles to get any food. There is one other option we COULD have gone with, however she refuses to go anywhere other than where she requested. I have myself clocked the distances from the alternative residence to the major points of interest. To Walmart (the nearest store) it is 3 miles. To McDonald’s, the furthest fast food place from the residence, it is 3 miles. The nearest gas station, as well as Waffle House restaurant is 1.5 miles. The interstate is 1.7 miles. The location of her “job” (unconfirmed if she actually has one) is 3.2 miles. All are perfectly reasonable distances to travel on foot. My sister, other than being a smoker, is actually quite healthy enough to walk such distances. I myself at nearly 300lbs walked up and down hill for 9 miles a day for a period of 6 months in order to look for work, with no aid of public transport nor cabs. Her chief reason for NOT being willing to walk to anything that she would need is that she “doesn’t want to end up like my brother” (my brother was hit and killed by a teenage driver who was texting and speeding outside our local hospital in January 2014).

Basically, she was told to her face no one would care if that happened to her. Legitimately, this is the absolute truth. She has burned so many bridges and hurt so many people due to her recklessness and selfishness that not even her own eldest daughter would actually care. And that’s just well and truly sad. But it is the truth.

In any case, in her “letter” which I will be able to read eventually after this is all over, she has specially requested one specific residence location, so I have called. I have done my best to arrange it for her, however there is still no guarantee that the ONE room that MIGHT come open today will even be available. There is no guarantee. So today’s plan of action is on shaky ground. And I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen. I just want it all to be over. Done with. The end.

I want my family’s life back. I want MY life back.

EDIT FOR DOCUMENTATION: 12:24PM; August 4th, 2015 – The “Letter”. My mother has shown me the letter, and I have recorded video for documentation about said letter, highlighting the following points:

1) In my sister’s own hand, she acknowledges that I will be viewing the letter.

2) In my sister’s own hand, she has given written statement that she will leave the premises.

3) In my sister’s own hand, in the written statement that she will leave the premises, she gives the option for having her leave without any more fuss, or to have her leave with more fuss. The statement in her own hand reads “If you can do The Guest House instead of Efficiency, and get me there, Ill go with no further fuss.”

4) The statement “If you can” gives us the option to get her into her preferred place or the alternative of Efficiency. Definition of the word CAN, in this context, as follows:

CAN_definition

5) The statement “If you can do The Guest House instead of Efficiency, and get me there, Ill go with no further fuss.” is not a question. It is a statement. As such it shall be handled like one, should the need arise that we must present this evidence before an officer of the law or a court.

6) The video I have made documenting the letter has been safely uploaded to a private location not on my computer, should something happen to my computer between now and when it may be needed. It will be held there in safe keeping to ensure I will have access to it at a later date if necessary.

A Word to the Wise: There’s a Light at the End of This Tunnel

In my previous post, I documented the events of yesterday evening and last night of the current situation we are in with my sister. And in the post before that, I detailed events leading up to the current situation with my sister.

This morning, I woke to find my mother sitting in our green chair at the end of my bed. Apparently in the night, my sister had left a note on my mom’s door for her to find this morning when she came home from work. I have not read this letter (yet) but my mother states it starts off like a smartass but quickly loses it’s bluster.

In it, I am told (and will later edit/update this post with confirmations after I have read the letter), that my sister will indeed leave if my mother pays for 1 week’s rent somewhere, and that she will leave without making a fuss. At some point in the letter she attempts to guilt trip my mother once again, stating that (and I’m paraphrasing) “[she] just wants her momma, but understands if she has to side with [us]”.

The fact of the matter is, my mother wants her out of our house just as much as we do. In fact, moreso. To the extent that  all photographs of my sister and her children have been removed from our home and destroyed.

All items, save for a choice few baby toys that my son has become attached to, are going to be going with her when she leaves. I am going to call one of the pay by the week places today that we have chosen, for it will be close to the job my sister claims to have gotten at a nail salon, to find out what furniture if any she is allowed to bring there. I am going to make it clear that what is left behind will be taken to the Goodwill, and we will not store any of her items for her. It all must go, either with her or to donation. Period. These are the terms that I am going to put forth.

In the meantime, assuming all goes as planned, I will not need to call my landlord into this and we will be rid of this plague that has been flopping in my living room. If things do not go as planned tomorrow, then my landlord has already stated to give them a call and they will advise me on how to proceed with the legal eviction.

Edit for documentation purposes: 10:31AMl; August 3rd, 2015 – Just after I hit publish, my sister came to me with $1 and asked if she could have some pads. I stated that they are in the restroom and do not have a name on them. She is free to use them. I did not accept the money.

Edit for documentation purposes: 12:58PM; August 3rd, 2015 – Sister came to me to apologize. Apology not accepted. Stated that I will be going to the place chosen for her to stay, and will get the first week paid for her. Informed her I have reserved a truck from a local U-Haul storage facility for 2:15PM tomorrow afternoon (the earliest possible time) and the truck will be available for 4 hours. Also informed her that anything remaining of her belongings in the home or in the truck WILL be taken to Goodwill for donation. Informed her we are NOT a storage unit. Informed her that after tomorrow, she is never to approach any of us again. She is no longer welcome in any household of ours. She simply will no longer exist after tomorrow. I offered to pay for the toys which my son has become attached to, offer was refused. I will be taking her to pawn shops today to sell whatever she wishes to sell. She will load the items and unload the items from my vehicle, as I legally cannot touch her possessions at this point. She offered to give me $20 out of whatever she receives. I refused the offer on the grounds that I do not wish to take money she will need to buy her own food and personal care items as well as pay her rent. I informed her that the food in the kitchen without names is available for consumption, it simply requires cooking it.