On Making Mistakes, And Owning Them

Today, or rather since I am writing this at 1:37AM, yesterday, something was brought to my attention. I would name names, but the individuals involved are so narcissistic that they constantly google themselves, the organizations they are attached to, their pet projects, etc scouring through the results for every little micro and macro aggression against themselves they can find in order to drum up more sympathy from the unknowing and unwitting orbiters they have. So, we’ll just call them Larry and Gina.

Last year, some of you may remember I did some livestreams and vlogs. Quite a lot of them in fact. They were concerning the latest attempt to resurrect the American Council of Witches in 2016 – and this was the single most bizarre attempt to date.

Larry and Gina were part of that group attempting to resurrect it. And I will openly state here that in my videos I mocked the everloving shit out of them. I made fun of them. I was downright foul. It was not one of my best moments.

So, why do I bring this up? Because despite my past attempts to amicably remove myself from their continued drama, my videos are still paraded around as one of their chief weapons against me – despite my not having had anything to do with them for quite a number of months.

What they fail to note, however, if they had watched the complete series of videos is that the final video is done as a sincere apology for my actions, statements, and does show genuine remorse for my behaviors as the situation continued to escalate. Does an apology make everything better? Of course not. Just saying “Sorry” doesn’t undo what damage is done. So what then is there to be done? Do I remove the “offensive” videos, and deprive them of their chief weapon? Most people would do so. I, however, will not. And I cannot control why or how someone shares my videos or playlists.

See, my final video in that series wasn’t just an apology, it was a statement on owning your mistakes and taking responsibility. I stated in the video itself that I will not remove the others – as they are a reminder, to myself, of my heinous behavior. I have done a few since then on other subjects. I did one on a group that posed legitimate danger to women and children, and had scammed people out of hundreds of dollars by the time I had heard about it. Does having the videos where I behaved like a buffoon discredit the other videos I have done? Possibly. But that is, again, my own mistake to take responsibility for. If I delete them, or set them to private, to me that is a disservice to the message I intended. That is trying to hide my mistake. Cover it up. And to me that’s just not an option.

I have not filmed a video in quite a long time. I simply have not had the time to do so between taking care of my family, my health, and just general day to day life stuff. But it has also been partially out of a sense of dread and fear. Stemming back to those videos that I readily admitted at the end of them all, and have continued to state to this day, are a mistake. I even briefly considered creating a new account altogether and doing only narrated videos or pure audio. The reason I had not taken the coward’s way is because I shouldn’t run away from it.

I guess, what I’m trying to say is that when you make a mistake,own up to it because you cannot learn from your mistakes if you don’t acknowledge them first.

In the end, my videos will still be used by Larry and Gina for their personal gain. Maybe one in every 50 will get to the final video and learn the lesson I had to learn the hard way about why you shouldn’t be an asshole right out of the gate. And I’ll still go on living my life and moving past the drama that they seem intent on trying to drag me back through. And in the process they’ll end up giving me free publicity.

Once again, this is me having made mistakes, and once again owning them.

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