Today has been a weird day. Oh yeah, and my dad died.

This morning hubby and I got up early because he had his follow-up with the surgeon today. Mum watched the kid for us. Stopped by the probation office. See, my sister got something in the mail Saturday, but the probation office was closed until today. Well, it was postmarked the day she left my home, so yeah. Anyway, dropped that off there, informed them she no longer lived at my home and residence, and told them where they could find her. And that was that.

My son’s had some weird ass stuff going on during the last few days. His right ear turned so red you’d swear it was a stop sign. But, turned out to be a chigger bite in one of the folds of his ear, and no ear infection or sore throat. He’s just super sensative to bug bites. So, hey! At least there’s that!

Anyway, on the way home from the doctor’s office with my son this afternoon, we got caught by a train on a short cut, so it actually took us longer to get home than it should have. And good thing, too, because if not for the train, my son and I would have been in one wicked car accident. Because the route we were taking home, there’s this one intersection I HAVE to take. I HAVE to go through this one intersection no matter which route I take, it’s unavoidable. But today, because I was caught up by a train, I wasn’t in the intersection when I was supposed to be. And we were safe.

So, aside from that? How much weirder could my day get?

Well lemme tell you… After coming home with my son, safe and sound (the kid was even napping!) I headed back out to do a little grocery shopping and to get us all dinner. The last take-out meal for a good while, since my sister bled us practically dry. So, I went to the store first, since the fish place I was getting dinner from is in the same parking lot. It had started raining when I was ready to head back to the car. I get in, loaded up, and lightning strikes 5 feet behind my car! Fucking seriously! So, after recovering from the shock (should have seen the poor bagger who’d been standing in that spot just moments before the lightning struck. I swear he might have shit his pants), I pulled out of the space and stopped to take a look at the scorch pattern left behind where a puddle had previously been. The direction I was facing to get across the parking lot, I saw more sky to ground lightning strike where my sister supposedly works. So, then I turn into the drive thru at the fish place, and I’m sittin there for about 10 minutes facing the direction of the motel where my sister moved to. I shit you not, sky to ground lightning in a perfectly straight line, repeatedly moving away from the parking lot towards where my sister currently lives. So THAT was weird.

And lastly, I woke up today to see my mum sitting in our green chair at the end of my bed. She does that sometimes after a long night at work. She likes to watch us sleep, especially my son. It helps her calm down after a hectic and hellish night at work, and helps remind her about why she keeps fighting and stuff. Look, I know it sounds weird, but if you knew my mum, you’d know this was actually comforting in a weird kind of way. Anyway, this mornin hubby woke first, and usually when he’s up first he starts a pot of coffee, gives my mum some, and they chat a bit before I wake up. Well, this mornin something big happened.

My dad died during the night. It was a heart attack. He died in his sleep.

My baby sister called my mum at work and told her. Mum and dad have been separated for just over 5 years, but not divorced. It’s not that my mum and dad didn’t love each other anymore. It’s just my mum couldn’t live with him and keep surviving. You don’t spend nearly all of your adult life with someone, have 3 kids together, and not still love them on some level, even if it was hell most of the time. Mum left my dad for self preservation. My beef with the man is my own, and now I won’t ever get any real closure. Not that I actually care. Right now, I don’t actually feel anything about this other than I’m saddened for the people in my dad’s life, and the ones who still cared about him. They’re hurting, so I feel sad for them. As for him, I am relieved to hear how he went (heart attack in his sleep) because I do know he did fear long lingering death rather than a quick and quiet one. If it wasn’t the smoking, or the drinking, it was going to be the hard labor that got him. And that seems to be what did it. Again, I actually feel nothing personally. I made my peace with parting ways from that man a long time ago. Last year, I did send him a late father’s day card/early birthday card with pictures of my husband and my son and myself in them. It was kind of my way of saying “look, I know we don’t talk. But I don’t hate you. I’m working through my bullshit, but I’m not ready for more contact than this and on my own terms. But you had the right to know that you have a grandson, his name is (BLANK) and he is a happy little boy. I have married and am starting to get my life together, so don’t worry about me. I’m happy, I’m safe, and maybe one day, I’ll be ready to talk.” Some people would see that as bitchy or whatever, but for me it was a big step in moving on with my life and letting go of the hate I harbored for him, because it was actually causing problems in me forming relationships with other people, especially men.

So, anyway, he died. Please hold any condolences, because again, I’m actually okay. I’m not mourning, nor am I in denial as some have already said to me today. I simply… don’t care. I know it sounds horrible, and might make me a horrible person. But I honestly have no emotions in regards to my dad’s death other than saddened for those he left behind. His sisters, my baby sister, and her kids, etc. Speaking of my baby sister….

She’s having to deal with this grief while very heavily pregnant and with twins. So please, keep her in your prayers, blessings, whatever it is you do with your god(s). For anyone needing a name for a prayer list, I don’t mind giving a personal name just this once. It’s for a good cause. Her name is Annie Lue Byers. Again, she’s very heavily pregnant with twins, and is pretty far along. I’ve been pregnant and dealing with death of a loved one myself, I know how bad and scary it can get. So please, please keep my sister in your thoughts, prayers, blessings, whatever it is you and your personal god(s) do.

As for me, again, spare your condolences. They would be wasted on me in regards to my dad.


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