A Word to the Wise (or, Boy I Should Have Listened to my Instincts)

Approximately 4 months ago, my sister moved into my home. There were 2 requirements placed upon her.

1) Get a job.

2) Keep your living space clean.

That’s it, that’s all that was required of her. For the first couple of weeks, we took it easy on her. She’d come out of an abusive relationship (the details and facts of which I am not ashamed to say I now question the validity of. There is some truth, of that I am positive, but I feel that most of what we have been told is not truth at all. Not even just exaggerated truth. But I digress…) and have moved in with a neighbor of her’s at the time. They were so concerned for her safety that they picked up their lives and moved across town from a house they had only occupied for 6 months, just so that she would be in a much safer and harder to locate place, away from her abusive husband.

Down the line, due to reasons beyond their control, they were forced to move to Missouri for a time. They offered to take my sister with them. She declined. Having nowhere else to live, she moved in with us. When the family she was with moved, they left many things behind. They abandoned them and the house saying that if anyone wanted anything that was left, save a few choice items that relatives were going to pick up, they could have it.

And so, we did just that. Anything we could use, from cookery to toys to furnature, we gladly gave a new home.

My sister has since slept all day on the sofa (sometimes until around 5 or 6 in the evening or later) and stayed up all night. Any time I have offered to take her to a job fair at our local Goodwill Career Center, she has conveniently made other plans and did not return until well after it was over. Repeatedly. She has gone through my mother’s belongings and taken medication. Some of it over the counter like Benedryl and sleeping aids. Others… let’s just say my mother was supposed to still have 7 pain pills left in her bottle. When she actually needed to get one, there were none. When I have asked her to do something as simple as do the dishes, she leaves them all night, causing our kitchen and now the rest of our home to become infested with roaches. Prior to her moving in, we had a mild problem that had been nearly eradicated, and had been planning to call in a service to finish it off for us and to keep it that way. Due to having to spend extra money to pay for her probation as well as assorted needs, we could barely afford to put gas in our car, and had begun scraping up pennies we found on the ground to get by. For the last four months the only way I could get her up during the day to do anything at all, I had to personally make her a cup of coffee and bring it to her. The only times she would actually clean up the living room, where she has been staying, is when she had been expecting someone to come over, or when she would notice after going out for the night that I had come in to vacume the floor. A rare event in and of itself due to her leaving charging cords, pillows, and personal affects all over the floor. Due to her sleeping all day, her belongings strewn about the floor (some of which have been quite dangerous to have left out in the open with a toddler in the house) my son has been unable to leave our part of the house at all, save for a set path he has been trained to take through the living room straight to my mother’s bedroom. My son has been confined to a single room for four months, for his own safety. When my sister has been woken up by accident when my son has come into the livingroom, she will slam doors and spend the entire day deliberately making us all miserable. When any of us has had to come down on her for anything, she throws back into our faces that she has nowhere else to go, and if she went back to her husband he would kill her. That she’s had her children taken away, and had to live in a car on the street. And any other number of terrible things that have happened to her in her life because of her poor decisions and choices. She also has gone into the kitchen and made a point of eating items that have been specially bought for specific people due to their different dietary needs. These are always items that I take special care to point out to her, explaining who they are for and why. And that she is not to eat them. However, eveything else is perfectly fine to eat. I had been keeping my kitchen well stocked for a month at a time prior to her moving in. Now, the $500 we receive for food stamps do not last the month, as I am constantly having to replace everything within 2-3 days of purchase. So, recently, I have taken to writing names on them, making it clearer. Prior to writing names, when I would ask her not to touch something, she would throw in my face that she cannot eat anything we have because it belonged to someone else, and that I must want her to starve. The face of the matter is, we have plenty to eat, she chooses not to get up and cook it for herself, and will not eat unless someone else makes it or it requires no actual preparation.

The food issue, she brought up in front of the police when they were called back to my home a second time on Friday. My husband was quick to point out to the officer that the reason we are writing names on food is because when I buy things to ensure my son gets proper food and nutrition, it will be gone within 24 to 72 hours. We had started writing names so that our child will have food to eat.

Tomorrow, when I go to pay my rent, I will be speaking with our landlord to find out what our rights are in this situation, and for advice on what to do next. We will be going to the Magistrate Court as well, to officially file an eviction notice to have her removed from our home. We will be stuck with her for 30 days from the time we file/she receives the notice. Unfortunately, because of this, she has placed her belongings in such a way that we cannot access our own personal belongings, such as my son’s strollers, his walker/runabout, and other assorted items. She has also arranged her belongings in such a way that we cannot easily nor very safely enter and exit our home through the front door, and must use the back door. We have also had to replace my mother’s bedroom doorknob with one that requires a key to unlock and enter. There are 2 keys only. My mother’s and my own for emergencies. Included below are photographs of my living room, and the state in which it sits due to the fact we cannot legally touch or move her things. She has left a note stating that if we require moving anything, she has taken photographs to know if we did or not, and to text her if we need to move anything. At the advice of the officer who responded to the first call made on Friday, we are not to speak nor interact with her, nor she us unless it is absolutely necessary.

In the midst of all of this, she has engaged in emotional and psychological abuse upon us, threatening to have my child taken from me if she is forced to leave our home, due to the state my home is currently in. She has gone around and taken video of every room as her evidence. However, much of the state of my home is due to having to move our belongings to safe locations to make sure it is not damaged or stolen, as well as to make room for her things to be stored in my home. The bug problem, too, is a direct result of her refusal to do basic cleaning and hygiene in my home.

She has also repeatedly blamed my mother for my brother’s death in January 2014, stating that if she had gone to pick him up when he called her, he would be alive. This, we know logically, is not the case. However due to my mother still grieving the loss of her oldest child, her only son, my sister knows it will work as an emotional and psychological attack upon her.

She has repeatedly been attempting to provoke a physical response out of my husband so that she may have him arrested for violating his probation. She has also

She had been allowed to live in my home because she was, for the first time in many years, sober. She had left her abusive husband who has on more than one occasion threatened the safety and well-being of our entire family. And she had finally gotten her life together.

Apparently, this was not actually the case.

This all began kicking off last Monday morning, when I informed my sister that the car may not be fixable, and if that were the case, we would no longer be able to provide for her, and in fact, would be forced to move from this home to Atlanta. The car broke down a second time, accenting this fact, however she had already begun acting out against me and my family for telling her to get a job to support herself. This point was further underlined when the car broke down a second time a few days later. The following day, Thursday, I snapped. I was angry. At life, at my sister, at everything. And I made my feelings known, to my mother. It upset her, so I went to apologize to her profusely. She’d had enough at that point, called my sister into her room with me, and gave us a lecture (sorely needed as a matter of fact). At which point she began ranting and raving. She yelled, I yelled back. It was ugly. Things “settled” but were still simmering. The next day, my husband’s lipoma removal day, my sister reported my husband’s facebook page because he has a criminal record. It was deleted. It is NOT recoverable. He has since made a new one, but he had to use a fake name, how sad is that? Anyway. while my husband was off having surgery, and I’m in the waiting room, my sister fucking snapped. That incident can be traced directly back to the day before, when she had asked me to take her to the sheriff’s office, and I said I would IF and ONLY IF I got back from my kid’s doctor as well as my physical therapy in time. I did not get back in time. She emotionally and psychologically attacked my mother once again, and this time threatened to call DCFS to have my child removed. This is directly tracable to the fact her own children were taken from her because she is an unfit parent, and because it would hurt many in one fell swoop.

Once she is out of my home, I am going to file a restraining order against her, her mother-in-law, and her husband.

The word to the wise here? Don’t ever taken someone into your home longer than 89 days. Once they are in your home for 90 days, they are considered as having established residence and you must proceed with the legal eviction process. Up until day 90, you are within your rights to put them out without notice. The ONLY loophole to this is if they begin receiving mail at the address prior to having been there for 90 days. If they receive mail at all in the first 90 days, that also establishes legal residence, and they must be dealt with by a legal court eviction. So, to avoid this, if you ever find yourself having to take someone in, buy them a P.O. Box, with only THEIR name on it and make it clear that is where they will receive their mail. Also, write up a lease that states they are NOT allowed to receive mail at the home address. If they do so after signing the lease, then they are in violation of that lease and you have grounds for eviction.

Trust me, I will never make this mistake again.

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Front Door – 8/2/15 – As far as it will open.

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Front Door – 8/2/15 – The only space to enter and exit home.

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Front Door – 8/2/15 – The only space to enter and exit home.

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Strollers/Bookshelf – 8/2/15 – 2 strollers, behind and buried under sister’s personal belongings. This is to the direct left of the front door. Bookshelf is unreachable.

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Strollers/Bookshelf – 8/2/15 – From the side. Blurry photo, but clearly cannot reach walker (orange item), strollers (pink and white scarf draped across), or bookshelf.

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Only clear space – 8/2/15 – The only space available to reach bookshelf. Requires physically twisting body to avoid touching sofa, pillow (bottom center, corner sticking up) and the trunk beneath it, as well as the stacked plastic drawers on arm of couch, in front of couch, and cabinet in front of that (left hand corner), as well as large pillow that goes with couch (big brown, top center).

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Bookshelf – 8/2/15 – Upper shot showing blockage. Orange thing (bottom center) is my son’s walker/runabout.

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Written Notice – 8/2/15 – Note sister left stating we cannot touch or move any item belonging to her, and to text her if we require something moved. Due to the advice of the first officer we dealt with Friday, advice which is recorded on his bodycam, we cannot legally touch her things. The letter is dated 8/1/15, and is addressed to all residents of my home, as well as anyone else who may come by. This was left when she left my home on 8/1/15, and as of the writing of this post and the taking of this photo, we have not heard from nor seen her.

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Bookshelf/Strollers – 8/2/15 – Better shot of the bookshelf, blocked by her belongings, as well as my son’s 2 strollers with her belongings draped upon them.

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Front Door – 8/2/15 – The only space to enter and exit home. This is the space directly in front of my front door. There is only enough room to open the door, which when fully opened (as much as is possible) leave just under 1 foot of space to pass in and out of the home. There is no other way to open the door than to go to it, walk backwards into the next space, and squeeze through less than 1 foot of space while trying not to touch the cabinet (bottom right corner) or the black bag beside it (floor, left side, immediately above cabinet corner in the corner of photo).

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Walking Space – 8/2/15 – The only floor space available to walk in and out of living room. This is right outside my mother’s bedroom door, and in front of the television/tv stand.

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Box Fan/Chair/Lamp – 8/2/2015 – My blue box fan is tied to the chair (also mine) using the cord for my sister’s sewing machine pedal. I legally cannot untie the cord because it is my sister’s. I legally cannot move the chair, either, because of the cord. To move the cord would also be in violation of the written statement. Therefore, I cannot use either the chair or the fan, which are my legal property.

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Table – 8/2/15 – This is my dinner table, unused for months due to the fact we have not been able to use our livingroom for 4 months. Her computer, rubbing alcohol, a jar of misc. items, and a big cardboard box sit upon it, and I cannot move the table, nor move the things off the table. Bamboo mat on table is my husband’s. Again, cannot move it due to the jar of misc. stuff, belonging to sister, sits on top of it. The flip side? Her computer tower is not secure where it sits, and stomping/slamming doors may make it fall off the table without warning. Legally, if this should happen WE CANNOT TOUCH IT OR MOVE IT. Therefore, we CANNOT be held responsible for any damage that may happen. No, we are NOT deliberately slamming doors and stomping around. But the fact that this particular item is in a dangerous location must be noted.

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Door to remainder of house (bathroom/kitchen, etc.) – 8/2/15 – Door opened to show relation of it to sister’s personal belongings, such as the computer, as well as my table.

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Door to remainder of house (bathroom/kitchen, etc.) – 8/2/15 – Door opened to show relation of it to sister’s personal belongings.

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3 responses to “A Word to the Wise (or, Boy I Should Have Listened to my Instincts)

  1. Pingback: A Word to the Wise: The Nightmare Continues | Ravings of a Madman

  2. Pingback: A Word to the Wise: There’s a Light at the End of This Tunnel | Ravings of a Madman

  3. Pingback: Word to the Wise: OPERATION CLEANUP – DAY 1 | Ravings of a Madman

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