Something has happened in my life recently where this is extremely relevant. I’m not going to detail it here, as I’ve already spent too much of my day on it, and I’m stressed to the point I really don’t want to eat. (But I will, because my body needs nourishment.) My good friend and former coworker Rae told me to read this. And yeah, it’s completely relevant to what I am dealing with in my personal life right now. The copyright on it says that I can distribute it so long as it remains unaltered and the copyright notice is intact. So here you go.
Sore Spots 4/4/15
As spiritual people we SAY that we understand that if someone creates a fear or anger reaction in us that person is being a mirror for us. The appropriate response is to ask, “What do I see in you that I also see in me?” Sounds great in theory, doesn’t it? But the truth is when someone sticks a sharp, pointy, object into our open wounds and stirs it around, the last reaction we tend to have is, “Thank you for being my mirror.” Its more like, “Stop that! You are hurting me!” That, followed with all kinds of feelings of being picked on and victimized. Of course we blame the other person and make them out to be awful people. And let’s be honest. Sometimes that other person really is an awful person. There are people out there who seem to feed off of pushing other people’s buttons/sore spots. Its like they have heat seeking missiles that assist them in finding the most tender area, and BAM. Explosive, gut churning, strike accomplished while they stand there an smirk at having hit their target.
Still, the mirror information is good information to have. The truth is, your sore spots are only walking bull’s eyes as long as they are sore. When you poke your own sore spots and get them to drain and heal, they no longer put off a signal for crappy people’s heat seeking missiles to find. The ironic thing about your sore spots is that while it is your big old pus filled wound, a lot of times, your friends just don’t see it. Or better yet, they view it as one of your great strengths that they admire while you are trying to hide it and apologize for it. Now THAT, is awkward.
This lifetime has been all about healthy interactions with other people for me. I had the opportunity to be raised by codependent, dysfunctional people who support abusive behaviors in others by making excuses for them and turning a blind eye. That set me up for abusive relationships in adulthood. My life lessons have been all about learning to trust myself to use discernment to either move toward people or away from them depending on the healthiness of the situation. When I view my soul contracts in this manner, I feel profound gratitude for all of the people who have been willing to fulfill those contracts through our interactions. They weren’t all pleasant. Instead of being able to see clearly that this was as simple as a set of life lessons with accompanying soul contracts for interaction, I developed a wound that said I couldn’t keep people long term. (I would imagine there are a number of people who will be laughing when they read that. See? ) Then I had “close friends” who sent their heat seeking missiles into that wound, or more like just shoved sharp sticks in it and stirred it. No. It was not nice and real friends do not do that. Still, the fact remains, they were only able to attack the target because there was one.
Recently I have had the opportunity to interact with someone I distanced myself from some time ago. I have always second guessed myself on that distancing. The “friend” who owns the sharp stick helped me with the second guessing considerably. After getting to spend time around this individual after a couple of years have passed, I was shocked. I was shocked that I had ever second guessed my choice to terminate the relationship. I had been involved with someone who ridicules, condemns, and criticizes me constantly. There is no kindness, no love, no respect, in this person’s words. I was informed of how fortunate my daugher and I are to have this person in our lives and was told why we should feel honored to have such a magnificent being take an interest in us. As I listened. And listened. And listened. I realized that if I walked out right then, this person would still be talking and would be oblivious to the fact that the audience had been lost. Its not like there was ever any desire on this person’s part to know what I am thinking or feeling, or even who I am. Why, exactly had I second guessed my decision to not have this person in my life? Better yet, why had I spent so much time making excuses for his behavior and turning a blind eye to it? I was still hanging onto looking at the positives and hoping he would change. An epiphany struck: I made the right choice. I CAN trust myself to use discernment and to make good choices about who I allow in my life and who I don’t. If this was a good choice, then it doesn’t have anything to do with not being able to keep people around. It has to do with choosing who is worth keeping around. Oh my God. I spent a couple of days just reveling in, “I make good choices. I can trust myself.” The wound quickly began healing.
Then during lunch with friends who have been around for years, it was brought to my attention that someone else I had distanced myself from, then second guessed myself for doing that, has not moved forward with life in a productive manner. The drug and alcohol issues have gotten worse over time instead of better like I had truly believed they would. Again, there is confirmation that I can trust myself to make good decisions about who I am spending time with. The wound completely closed up after that one. I don’t think there is even any residual scar tissue in spite of this being such a long standing wound.
I have been watching a friend during this same time period I have been healing that wound for myself. She really believes her sore spot is an unbearable flaw. It is what all of us around her see as her greatest strength. Getting to sit back and observe her struggling with her sore spot has been educational. I am seeing that those who are poking sticks in her sore spot are exploiting the one weak area that they can because they are afraid of her strength. They are afraid she sees them clearly when they have something to hide. So they poke to knock her off balance and keep her from being able to get a good look at them in the midst of her distraction. I finally reached out and energetically yanked her by the hair out of concern that she was going to miss important information about the person poking. She is intuitive and needed to trust her feelings in this situation instead of second guessing. It was nice to have an opportunity to do for someone else what I wish had been done for me. That in itself was healing for my sore spots.
All within this same two week time frame of processing this life lesson, I had a client call me for an hour session. She is overweight. She is certain that all of her co-workers laugh at her for being overweight and is sure that everyone thinks she is stupid. I might add that the position she has held for over 9 years is high level and at the very least proves there is nothing incompetent about this woman. I was blown away that such an amazing woman’s sore spot was feeling stupid. Whoa. And the weight thing? What a wonderful sore spot to look at. We all know that girl who has trouble walking and breathing at the same time because she is so heavy. But she owns it and her sexuality and always, always has some guy on the hook who just adores her. What’s the difference between these two women? For one her weight is her sore spot. For the other, it isn’t an issue at all.
People in general are like vultures who circle when they smell death. Sorry. But its true. The best way to stop being a moving target is to heal our own sore spots. We also need to start recognizing that when there is something in us that is getting repeatedly poked, that is our cue to take a closer look and see what we need to do start the healing process for that particular sore spot. If it doesn’t exist, it can’t be poked. Damn. That just blows our need to be the victim to hell, doesn’t it? Yes, this is another opportunity to grow up a little bigger and take personal responsibility for our own crap instead of pointing fingers. Those of us that came here to experience human life so that we can evolve at a soul level (yes, that would be you) will move along a little faster and more efficiently when we can get to a point where the knee jerk reaction becomes “That hurt/upset me/made me angry. What do I need to heal inside of myself?” instead of the knee jerk, “You asshole.” Lol. Who am I kidding. There will probably always be the latter reaction first. But we can start practicing having a quick second reaction in the form of looking to heal ourselves.
That saying, some people enter your life for a reason, some for a season, some for a lifetime… I have had some fun with that over the past few days, making a list. What a different perspective this is. I like it. No where in that cute little quote does it imply that if people are reason or season categories is it a bad thing or “your fault”. After healing up such a particularly yucky sore spot, I don’t feel so intimidated by my other sore spots. What I am finding is that I have a profound love and appreciation for those other sore spots. My thoughts have been going toward thanking those sore spots for existing every time I feel them, like an energetic hug. Then I tell them that as much as I appreciate their service to me, they are no longer needed and can go. As a result absolutely everything in my experience right now feels so much lighter. Its good.
Big hugs and thank yous to all of my reasons, seasons, lifetimes, and pokey stick holders. Much love to all of you.
Copyright 2015 © Rae Moonwind Reynolds. All rights reserved. You may copy and distribute this material as long as you do not alter it in any way, the content remains complete and you include this copyright notice.