My Brain Everyday Lately: let’s just cut off that seratonin and slip into something that goes well with anxiety and a dash of depression. as a treat.

Oh I haven’t forgotten you lovelies (again). I’ve been quite busy trying to entertain a 6 year old, manage finances in a crumbling economy, still find some time to write so I don’t go screaming down the street in my birthday suit after being driven insane by everything going on around me (don’t worry folks, I plan on grabbing one of my DIY facemasks before leaving for my crazy lady naked run) and now most recently a car that’s decided it just wanted to nope the fuck out while I was driving Tuesday. Isn’t that fucking spectacular.

But no, really, I’m…. not doing so well. Physically I’m doing alright. Mentally, not so much. The stress as this coronavirus situation drags on and on is wearing me down to a point where I just want to throw in the towel. Call it quits. Take a cue from my car and nope the fuck out of this. Take a nice long nap and set an alarm for when September ends.

I haven’t felt like this in… quite a long time. I don’t like it when my mind wanders back to the dark places it used to live in. Unfortunately the longer this drags on, and the more I’m forced to handle everything for everyone all of the time… I’m afraid I’m gonna break.

Used to be I could take off up the street to the library. Or grab a couple dollars, get in the car and get a cheap burger and a coke. Spend some time away from the house, away from my family and just… relax. Recharge. While my son was at school I could take the time to get my house clean. Catch up on chores. Paperwork. Doctor visits. Get the bills sorted. And then when he came home give him my undivided attention.

Now? I’m struggling. Hard. My mom gets tired of dealing with everoyne? No problem! She can just shut her bedroom door and lock it behind her. My husband needs to get a break from the crazy? Sure! He hops outside to the front porch he’s completely taken over so no one else can use it for literally anything. Or he dicks off to the back where he has his OTHER workspace set up and shut and lock the door behind him. Me? I have no refuge. No retreat. As I said, I can’t even go out to my front fucking porch to sit and calm down with some fresh air because it’s filled with trash and junk from my husband’s projects that are too big to fit inside the goddamn house.

I can’t even run off to the library since it’s been closed for the last month and a half. Parks in my area are all closed. Can’t go downtown without being told to move along and stop loitering. I have a desk. A desk in an open common area that I’m constantly having to yell at people to leave it alone. A chair that was bought SPECIFICALLY because I have back problems that continues to be fucked up because no one does the single thing I ask of them – don’t sit in the fucking thing. That’s it. That’s all I ask. Now it’s fucked up and hurts my back every time I sit down. But I can’t go get a new one.

Anyway, I’ve been busy trying not to lose my god damned mind. And i know it’s not going to be getting better any time soon. The only thing I can hope for is that I manage to keep holding it together, somehow, without retreating entirely back to the dark places I’ve fought tooth and nail to drag myself out of over the last 10 years.

Though mowing my grass with my manual mower has helped greatly. I get truly pissed off I just go outside, put in my headphones and tell everyone to fuck off, I’m gonna mow the lawn.

The one where I had an idea.

So I have some pretty wild dreams from time to time. Who doesn’t, eh?

When I’m able, and they’re particularly odd, I try to write them down somewhere as soon as I wake up. Whether it’s scribbled into a notebook I keep near the bed, tapped into my phone and mangled by auto-correct, or pounded out by hand into a keyboard on my laptop. I get it down as quickly as possible so I can recall as much as possible.

Sometimes these dreams lead to really great writing ideas. Other times, they’re just really wild and hilarious. Once in a while I get something truly profound. Regardless, I usually end up posting them online at some point.

Well last night I got bored. I’ve recently bought a new headset for my laptop and it has a built in microphone. In fact, that’s why I actually bought the thing – plus it was green and I’m kinda on a Green Power Ranger kick again right now. So anyway, I bought one with a mic so I can talk to people on Discord since I know that it’s hard for some of my online friends to be home all the time with little to no contact with others.

As I was testing out the mic sensitivity and adjusting the settings on my laptop for it, I picked a file at random and started reading what was in it into the mic as I made adjustments here and there so I don’t accidentally scream at someone when just trying to talk to them. Or end up catching all the noise in the room with me, etc. When I played back each recording, I realized “hey, this might be kinda fun to do for a while at least.”

I mean, what else am I gonna do with these things? And, when I get an idea for a story but I can’t seem to write the actual thing – just outline, concept build, etc. I end up rambling to my mother for hours on end about it, but she can only take my rambling so much before even she’s like “just shut up and go away” which is entirely understandable.

If nothing else, recording my weird dreams as audio or my odd ideas will give me something to do on nights I can’t sleep.

So yesterday I had an appointment with my dermatologist. It went really well.

And then he told me he doesn’t want me to go to any of the labs if I can at all help it and instead a tech would come to draw my blood before I left. Unfortunately, not expecting that and having rushed out the door when I realized my appointment was half an hour earlier than I had believed, I didn’t have time to chug three-four bottles of water before I left the house. I’m a rather hard stick for blood drawing so it’s very important that I have a heads up and do everything I can to make sure I have nice, plump veins for the techs to draw from. I typically make sure I park further away than normal, do extra walking and activity tumblr_4e1c83c2c9a59e2053460c955c2f3d3f_f8772a6a_640to make sure my blood is flowing nice and hard to make it a bit easier (and faster for all involved) to get my blood.

Well, obviously, they didn’t get any blood from this turnip yesterday. So I had to start calling around town to see if there is literally anywhere other than the hospital I can go. All signs currently point to nope. I’ll be making calls again tomorrow.

In the meantime, I’m in public right now and taking my doctor’s advice and wearing a mask. It’s homemade, but better than nothing. Unfortunately… I’m rather thirsty.

Guess I should have made sure to bring a straw.

Who knew I’d actually ENJOY mowing my yard?!

It’s been one hell of a ride so far folks and we’re not even half-way there.

On the plus side, I’ve been getting one HELL of a workout with my manual lawnmower. I’ve been going out every evening for an hour or two and taking down more of my overgrown jungle of a yard. For the last three days I’ve been going out and mowing away. I’m getting a pretty consistent process going. While some of the grass and weeds are rather tougher than I expected, I’m getting the bulk of it chopped down to size. And what I don’t manage to get (like stuff right against the house, or over ant piles, around the poles of a swingset, etc) my husband can take care of with the edge trimmer once we get the wire we need for it.

I’ve gone out today already, since I’m gonna be busy this evening with dinner and a movie with the husband. It’s hard, but it’s worth it. Plus doing this, even a little at a time, means that when the city reps drive by or our landlord, they can clearly see we ARE getting the yard taken care of, and we won’t get fined. And honestly, I’m right damn proud of what I’ve been able to get done so far.

As you can see from the two pictures of the swingset, it’s looking pretty grody there. I’m going out this evening and spraying it down with Mold and Mildew spray and leaving it overnight. I already did a test patch last week on the teeter-totter and three test patches on the swing next to it. And believe me where the patches were done looks a hell of a lot better than it did before. Once THAT is all done (it’ll take probably about 2 rounds at least to get everything) I’ll be wiping it down with outdoor bleech before finally hosing it down to make it safe for my kid to play on again. It got into such a state because last year we had a massive ant/wasp problem in the back yard and were unable to properly deal with it. This year so far it’s not so bad yet, and I’ve been able to find a couple of nests and get them dealt with already.

As far as the manual lawnmower goes, it’s pretty good. Next month I’ll be getting the oil for the blades and the sharpener from the same company so I can do upkeep on it and keep it in working order. Certainly it’s better for smaller yards with a more uniform type of grass, but damn if this thing ain’t worth it’s weight in gold to me at this point. I mean hell, just look at the two swingset pictures and you can see how bad my yard was (and parts of it still are).

I can’t sleep, so here I go rambling again.

With my state facing imminent lockdown (has it happened yet? I haven’t a fucking clue. Been busy cleaning and doing shit that needs doing) I find myself with an abundance of… let’s say colorful language to use in place of swears around my son.

I also find myself in an increasingly stressful situation with people who HATE being cooped up for a 4-day weekend let alone this damn long.

School’s been canceled for the rest of the year, and I find myself wondering how this will affect the kids. Oh no! I’m pearl clutching! “Won’t someone think of the children!” and so on and so forth. There, out of your system yet? Now, all schools in the US are doing some type of online/digital learning to make up for the loss of classroom time. But there’s a huge problem with this that I don’t see any way around. What about the special needs children who receive special services through the school such as Occupational Therapy? Physical Therapy? Speech Therapy? What about the kids who’s disabilities prevent them from being able to complete assignments in a timely manner without the extra assistance needed? While my husband and I are a little better than average at handling my son’s specific needs, we’re not trained for this. We’re not able to give him everything he needs in regards to his education here at home and without access to the people and resources my son needs. He doesn’t do well with the online/digital learning that’s available at this time – and it’s the ONLY education he has access to. His teacher has been truly helpful, and the therapists have been trying to find a way to help the students and the parents both but it’s difficult (not impossible) to get this done in a way that benefits my son and the other children in the special needs program.

But aside from the special needs kids, I would like to know how this will affect when the kids DO eventually go back. Clearly the gradutating class of 2020 won’t be held back another year. But what about everyone below them? What about grades K-11? Will they be able to progress to the next grade as normal or will they be held back and made to re-do the year again? Everything is uncertain. Even uncertainties are, well, even more uncertain than they normally would be.

It’s a clusterfuck if ever there was one. Myself, when I’m not trying to sort out my son’s needs, I’m having to deal with being the only person with a license and able to leave the house (though I shouldn’t due to being immunocompromised because of my newest medication). My husband has been like a pacing tiger these last few weeks. My mother’s pretty much given up on ever leaving the house again. And my son is driving us up the wall and asks every day if he can go back to school. He doesn’t understand why he has to stay home.

It’s not all doom and gloom in my house though. I’ve started learning to make bread, which I was already needing to do prior to the COVID-19 pandemic since I’ve returned to my gluten-free diet. Like hell I’ll give up my peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches and my ass ain’t paying nearly $5 for essentially half a loaf of bread at the store. And recently our lawn mower died. Again. That’s 2 in the last 6 years. So I decided fuck it and went down to Lowes while I was still able and bought a motorless one. You know the like – the old fashioned sort. The worst that fucker will do is rust or get dull. No problem – get a fuckin sharpener tool and some rust remover. Problem solved. And it does a hell of a lot better than my husband expected it to. Sure it takes longer to mow the lawn now, but it gets done. AND I don’t have to always wait for my husband to do it – the thing is durable, but lightweight enough that I can actually use it. I tested it out and got half my front yard done today before I had to stop.

Side benefit to the new mower? Gets my fat ass moving and hopefully helping me shed a few pounds. I could stand to lose a few (or a hundred).

Praise be upon ye oh Mighty Workers of Retail, humble gate keepers of the Paper of Toilets, and keepers of the Gluten Free Pasta

Earlier today, I was absolutely furious and boy did I want to sit down and just pound away at this keyboard. Instead, I stopped, got a cold drink. I ate some Starburst jelly beans, listened to the Mead Song, and put away my groceries… what little I was able to get.

Over the last few weeks, I stepped up something I normally already do. I thank the retail workers. I used to work retail, I understand that they – like everyone else – are just trying to do their jobs. And since the Corona’s popped up, their jobs have only gotten harder.

So before you open your mouth to complain that there’s no coffee on the shelves, stop and thank the nearest stock boy. Show your gratitude to the baggers. And tell the cashier you appreciate them. If you can, let a trucker know they’re a fucking godsend.

But honestly, what got me really pissed off earlier is that last night, about an hour before the store was to close so they could desperately begin restocking toilet paper, bleach, and meat for the next day – Scalpers. And lots of them.

And the store I went to today wasn’t the only one. It’s been the same all over town. Basic essentials bought up – and btw they’ve got workarounds for the “Limit X per customer”. It’s easy really, I’ve done it before at Hobby Lobby and Michael’s to maximize my coupons. Hand another coupon off to my husband and have him stand in line behind me. Instead of 3 of an item, I now take home 6 because my husband’s transaction is separate. He’s a different customer. And that’s how people are getting around shit. Limit 3 packages of TP per customer? Easy! Bring the whole family down for a shopping spree! Hand them each a bit of money and now you can take hom 6, 9, 12, 15 fucking packages of toilet paper!

But I digress… There was very little bread on the shelves. So bread making supplies have been flying off the others. I managed to get some fast rise yeast (which I legitimately was already buying because it’s cheaper to make my own gluten free bread than it is to buy it) because nobody else could reach it and I said “fuck it, i actually need it” and climbed up the shelves.

I listened to a woman yelling at a poor stock boy today, he couldn’t have been older than mid-twenties, because he was just trying to help her track down some pasta. Any pasta he could find. He tried to tell her that sometimes the “unconventional brands” are in a different part of the same aisle, or on the international foods aisle and he’d have to look there. He does so, and she screams at him for doing so. My personal favorite was “I told you there wasn’t any damn pasta down there! You idiot you just didn’t listen! There isn’t any down there!”

There was, in fact, some pasta. Two boxes of gluten free spaghetti, a couple boxes of Gluten Free oven ready lasagna, some pasta made of chickpea flour (also gluten free), and a box of Gluten Free elbow macaroni. You want to know why she didn’t get them after he found them? She was an asshole. I honestly was already buying pasta, and decided “y’know what? I’m not gonna tell her its here. I’m just gonna get what I need and be on my way.” I made sure to let the young man know when he passed by that he’s doing a bang up job and didn’t deserve to be yelled at like that. I offered him a squirt of hand sanitizer and went about my shopping.

He later heard me asking about coffee, and saying that I should have bought some when i was there yesterday when there was plenty on the shelves. He tells me they got a truck in last night and the coffee is going to be stocked in about an hour. If I’m willing to wait around, he can get me some if I just tell him which brand and what kind I wanted. Sure enough an hour later he finds me browsing produce with a can of coffee under his arm. By then I’d already forgotten about the damn coffee and was trying to look at produce without actually touching it.

He’s the one that told me about the scalpers coming in the night before and wiping the store out of basics that most people usually stock up on around this time of the month. You see, today – the 19th, and again on the 21st, are the two days a month that in the stare of Georgia are the Food Stamp days. Those are the two days people like me and my family get the funds to go grocery shopping. And last night all the stores in town got hit before closing on the 18th.

Talk about pissed right the fuck off.

Anyway, be nice to your local retail workers. They’re exposed far more than the rest of us. They are working really hard to make sure the rest of us have what we need, when we need it. They don’t deserve to be the target of people’s ire, especially right now. Preferably never, but I’ll take what I can get.

How do you piss off nearly an entire store full of people in the middle of the night?

Buy the last comtainer of santizing wipes in the entire store…. and do so while cheefully singing the song that’s been stuck in your head for days…

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine!

So last night after my son went to sleep, I went to the nearby Ingles grocery store to buy a few things we needed for the house. One was popsicles. With the days getting warmer and my son out of school for the next two weeks, I need those to help keep him cool. And they’re a nice bribe to get him to behave when necessary. I also needed to get some extra snacks for him. You know – Nutrigrain bars, more fruit, poptarts, and an extra box of cereal. That kind of thing.

Thank the gods I bought toilet paper, hand soap, and baby wipes a few days ago. No, I didn’t hoard it. Just bought an extra couple of packs of wipes since we use them frequently already. An extra thing of toilet paper since I’m limiting my trips out and about due to my and my mother’s compromised immune systems. That kind of level of prepping. Think of it as light-weight Hurricane Season prep really. Anyway, so I’ve got a couple of things in my cart, and the bag of dog food we needed (we legitimately were running pretty low on the kibble and our dog’s gotta eat, too y’know). The store, even in the middle of the night, is playing some good tunes on the radio. Songs I know. Songs I can sing along to. And I’m in a good mood. Not because I’ve stocked up already, but because I genuinely am in a Good Mood. While my day had been relatively odd, as all my Friday the 13ths are, it was uneventful and good.

So I’m walking around, jamming out to the music, and having a Good Time. Dancing, when I take a fancy, in the aisles. I’m in THAT GOOD OF A MOOD.

And it was annoying the fuck out of people around me. Now, I know – I KNOW there’s a pandemic going on. And we are in a State Of Emergency. I could very well catch the Covid and die because of my shitty immune system. But that does not change the fact that despite shit shutting down left and right, there’s still shit I gotta get done. I still gotta get up every day and take my meds. I still gotta get up every day and take care of my son. Yeah, shit gets harder when you’re on lockdown. Shit gets harder with resources becoming scarce. But that doesn’t change the fact that my kid don’t eat if I don’t get in that kitchen and make him something to eat. My house don’t get clean if I don’t get up and clean it. Life, such as it is, marches on even in the middle of a pandemic.

But that’s no reason for me to throw myself into a depression spiral. So yeah, when I hear a song at the store and it’s a banger, you bet your bippy I’m gonna seize that silver lining with both hands and enjoy the fuck out of it. Because if I don’t then I’ll be like all the other paranoid, miserable fuckers out there willing to punch a bitch over a single 1000 sheet roll of shitty one-ply ass wiping paper.

As for the container of wipes? You bet your ass I bought ’em. You don’t look a gift horse in the mouth and again – it’s not hoarding as I’d honestly used the next to last wipe in my house cleaning up a mess while making dinner last night. And as I rang those bitches up at the self-checkout register in front of many others complaining about there not being any meat, no toilet paper, no hand soap, I’m singing along to the song in my head.

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.

Ramen. Sushi. Burrito?

Ramen. Sushi. Burrito.

One of these words doesn’t belong, right?

Well, you’d be wrong. And here’s why.

We have a local restaurant called Zen Ramen & Sushi Burrito. Not really sure how long it’s been around, but long enough to not have its liquor license yet. It’s Facebook says that the restaurant is family owned, but you wouldn’t guess it when you walk in the door. Now, walking into a place with Ramen and Sushi on the name, with a claim of family-owned and operated, you’d expect to be greeted by probably a middle-aged or teenaged Japanese person. This was not the case here, as nearly all of the front-end staff are young college students, mostly white (I mean, come on, it IS a small backwoods southern type of town so that’s pretty much mostly our demographic here), with a couple of young Latinos and a college age black woman. Now, this was just the staff on Sunday evening. For all I know the rest of the week it’s completely different.

The music is nice, mainstream J-Pop, but mostly ballads. I looked up some of it and it’s all pretty current stuff, too. Mostly released in the last six months or so. I asked if there’s a specific radio or streaming station they use and our waiter said it was a custom playlist one of the kitchen staff had put together.

The decor was very dark. Lots of dark brown and black, but it was surprisingly very classy. For a few minutes I felt severely undedressed until I saw what was waiting for us on the wall at our table.

tumblr_96c3381cb1889571303cda032abe5813_bbac060f_640Each table had a framed picture similar to this. This particular one I THINK is some Naruto fanart, but I’m not sure. I never really watched that anime. I certainly wasn’t expecting it, that’s for certain.

Then we got the menus. And hoo boy. I have never, in my life, expected to see so many brands and types of Sake available in one place outside of Japan. Especially not somewhere in Georgia. So that was a delight. Of course, there’s 3 things wrong here. First, I can’t drink anymore because of my medications. Alcohol and Methotrexate (my skin issues) are even bigger no-nos than Alcohol and Ibuprophen (high doses combined with the really good shit gives you ulcers! The more you know!). And second, they don’t have their liquor license yet. So I couldn’t order any even if I had wanted to. And once again, third – my husband doesn’t drive. I drive. Therefore, only one of us could drive us home from date night. And I don’t drink and drive. I’ve done it exactly twice in my life. THe first time because I didn’t have any other option (no, seriously, it was an emergency situation, no public transportation, before Uber, and I didn’t have cab fare for the middle of fucking nowhere.) The second time because I was a dumbass and thought “Well the first time actually went so well nobody knew I was drunk so fuck it let’s do this!” and scared the hell out of my damn self. So no, not doing THAT again any time soon.

Anyway, back to the Ramen & Sushi Burrito place.

So, we get the menus. Massive sake selection (hopefully one day). For normal drinks they’ve got iced green tea, hot green tea, Ramune sodas (basically japanese sodas), and regular fountain drinks like Coke, Dr. Pepper, etc. I of course get one of the Japanese sodas. I haven’t had one since I lived in Florida so fuck yes I’m having me a time on date night! It was melon flavor, my favorite! Husband got a Dr. Pepper, no ice. Later he got an orange Ramune to try. It was alright. I expected it to be a little sweeter than it was. But I was perfectly content with my melon flavor.

Now then, the food. We each had a ramen bowl. Now I know this SOUNDS boring, but hold up. This was a massive fucking bowl of ramen soup. Bok choi. Chicken. Boiled egg. Mine had tomatos and spinnach added to it. Bamboo shoots. Basically, everything but the kitchen sink. Now, I’m not SUPPOSED to be eating ramen, because it’s got wheat in it, which I cannot have because of health reasons. But by the gods, I was going to have a fucking time of it on date night! This bowl was huge. And it was DELICIOUS. It also came with fries lightly battered in tempura batter and fried. And topped with this sweet salt which was weird. And it came with a side of spicy ketchup. I hate ketchup in all its forms and husband said the ketchup was too hot for him (which told me it was wasabi ketchup cause the man loves spice in his food, but wasabi is one of the things he can’t stand). The fries were oddly good and I hadn’t realized I’d eaten them all until I went to reach for another and found my little fry boat empty.

And now, about the Sushi Burrito part of the name. It’s pretty self explanatory.

It’s sushi, like, you know. Those little rolls you can get with the fish or the shrimp or the crab rolled in with some veg or without veg. Wrapped in a later of sticky rice and seawead. Or seaweed then rice. I mean, sushi is pretty universal in appearance at this point.

Now imagine a sushi roll. But make it bigger. Not just longer, like an uncut roll of sushi. But longer and fatter. The size of a god damned burrito. Imagine the seaweed wrapper being folded around this wad of fish and veg and rice like a tortilla. Imagine this seaweed being folded just like a buritto tortilla. Then wrap that fucker in a sheet of paper like a sub sandwitch at Subway. Cut down the middle like one, too. And there you have it. A sushi burrito.

Before the evening was over, I did get to see at least one of the people that own the place. She was the only one who spoke English, and even that was a little hard to understand but man she was awesome. Whenever someone had an issue with the food, she didn’t put it off on the staff to deal with, she came out herself and spoke as well as she could to the customer to figure out the problem and if the kitchen could fix it, they would. And if they couldn’t, then she explained why and offered to help them resolve the issue in another manner if possible. I didn’t catch her name, but she just looked so happy to see so many people eating her food.

When we arrived, there were a few tables full. By the time we left, there were people waiting to be seated because there wasn’t any room left.

While the price can be a bit much if there’s three or more people, it’s definately worth a visit back for me and the husband. Besides, the man loves ramen in all its forms, and next time I’m gonna be good and stick to my diet by getting the sushi burrito instead.

Acer Cloudbook: The End

In my last post, I mentioned the accursed device called the Acer Cloudbook. Any longtime readers would remember my… adventure with that horrid piece of metal and plastic. Not sure if I’ve ever mentioned it before but the little bastard and I ended up becoming far more aqauinted than I would have liked. But when the going gets tough, the fish get outta town, I mean, you make do with what you’ve got. And when the old TARDIS finally reached a point where I couldn’t limp her along anymore and her battery went kaput and could’t be replaced, it found myself at a loss. I couldn’t take the darn thing anywhere that I didn’t already know where all power outlets available were. And I couldn’t take it anywhere that access might be an issue – meaning no taking my laptop to Starbucks any time soon.

And thus, the Acer became my Travel Box. I named it Dragonzord, as I tend to name all my machines after things that I enjoy. That and the Acer required the use of MANY peripherals due to space constraints. WIth a 32GB internal memory, with only around 12GB at max available because Windows 10 took up so much damned space on the thing… You can see where I’m going with this. And so Dragonzord became my main machine where I did a bulk of my work. Mostly writing, and anything to do with the internet. Now, the Cloudbook is perfect for people who do literally everything online only. People who use Cloud storage religiously. I’m not one of those people. Preferably I would have hardcopies of all my work, but lacking a reliable printer and funds to replace ink as frequently as would be necessary that’s just not a feasable option. So saving my work to my computer is the next best thing. Unfortunately… A Cloudbook is NOT built for such use.

Now, the Cloudbook came with 1TB of Cloud storage for free! As long as I bought a one year subscription to Microsoft Office and all that entailed. Even then, the free 1TB would either be dropped down to the standard 50GB (that microsoft offered at the time, and it has since dropped further than that I believe), or I pay for the 1TB of cloud storage at full price… AND continue to maintain the Microsoft Office subscription.

Nope. Nope. And…. how about Nope. Not when Google, as oft bemoaned as they are, offer the same suite free for any Google account holder and 15GB free storage in GoogleDrive. Which I also have on my phone because it’s an Android. And that’s 15GB PER ACCOUNT. I’m sitting on literally 4 different accounts (each for a different purpose) so that’s… lets see. 60GB free storage on GoogleDrive. Not bad. Not bad at all. Annoying to switch accounts when I need a specific thing, but not so much that I’d consider a different service. Mind you, the dollar doesn’t go far these days.

The limitations of the Cloudbook didn’t stop with just the storage. Because of the storage issue, I couldn’t run even some of the most basic of programs. If I wanted a lightweight and stripped down word processor, I couldn’t even have Solitaire installed. Heaven help me if I wanted to put a basic antivirus software on the damned thing. Now, I did end up buying a 64GB card to put into the SSD slot, but it was literally put in for one singular purpose: redirecting windows updates to an additional drive just so I could update the damned thing. You see, Windows 10, when it does a FULL update and installs an entirely new build of itself, doubles in size. And if it currenty takes up 15GB on your harddrive, when that asshole goes to install the newest build, it now requires 30GB. But if you’re using 3GB of that space? Well son, you fucked up. Now you can’t get the newest build. Normally, this wouldn’t be too much of a problem, right? Just clear out that 3GB and you can proceed. WRONG.

Because Windows, even paused, will NOT let you have enough memory to even open the tools necessary to clear the space for it to continue. Okay, no problem, just run the built-in stuff. Compress the disk. Etc. WRONG. THAT is the very stuff it won’t let you run in the first place.

So you can see why redirecting the bulk of the windows updates to another removable drive was a necessary step to take.

Now, my time with the Acer wasn’t entirely hell. The thing is damn useful for basic tasks. It’s got a decent built-in camera. Better than my new laptop, surprisingly. It’s perfect for watching Hulu, Netflix, Amazon Prime, etc. Youtube runs on it almost like a dream.

Ultimately, the replacement of the Acer came down to three factors.

  1. I have a wonderful husband who, when he came into a windfall, went behind my back when we went to Walmart last week and then tricked me into holding something for him that he’d bought because he “forgot to look at printers”. (Forgot my left asscheek.)
  2. I have a 6 year old (then 5) who LOVES to pry buttons off things like they were legos. And while I can get used to typing on a keyboard with one or two buttons missing, when most of the keyboard is gone and I type rapidly… those little nubs are hard to hit when I’m needing to work quickly. This necessitated the use of a USB keyboard. (The computer had issues with STAYING connected via Bluetooth, and I only had 2 usb slots so going “wireless” with a dongle didn’t make sense if I was tying up a port anyway.)
  3. One of my only 2 usb ports failed, requiring that I buy a USB hub so that I could both type AND save my work.

And so, last week, I retired both TARDIS (which was used primarily as a DVD player and a photoshopping machine at this point anyway), and Dragonzord.

I can happily say that my new computer, Pendragon (on account of the machine’s case being a nice Welsh Dragon red), can handle a hell of a lot more load with a 500GB hardrive and 4GB of RAM. It has a nice touchscreen as well but unfortunately THAT is glitchy and still working out the kinks. I am typing this up in the WordPress app for Windows and boy does it feel damn good to be using it again, too.

TARDIS has been stripped down of anything of value save my gaming roms and music in case my husband wants any of that (it’s damn near impossible to get your hands on Nintendo roms anymore for the really big names like Mario, Metroid, Pokemon, and Zelda). After he’s decided if he wants the roms and music, it’ll get turned into a Linux machine as it has a pre-Skylake archetecture processor. (For those that don’t know, certain processors are made now in such a way as to prevent people from switching from windows 10 to literally any other OS. Attempting to do so will btick the machine, which is why I couldn’t swap my OS on the Acer despute Ubuntu or literally any other Linux based system would have been a hell of a lot better for the size of the hard drive I had in that thing.)

The ultimate fate of the Acer called Dragonzord? Well… I’ll be hanging onto that one a little while yet. You never know when you might need a backup machine.

So yeah, I’m totally gonna just stroll back into your feed like I totally didn’t forget my password and get distracted by other things.

It has been a long time since I’ve posted here. For anyone that was worried, I’m fine. I know I’ve posted about my health in the past, and while it could still be better I haven’t gotten much worse. And what HAS gotten worse is, well, managable.

First thing first, still fighting the chronic pain. That’s never going away and I’ve accepted that and learned to just… well… cope. If I dwell on it, it won’t do me any good and just wastes time I can better spend by doing other more entertaining and worthwhile things.

As for other health stuff… well, my eczema/psoriasis issues I’ve been dealing with since I was around 5-9 months old has only gotten worse. It reached a point this last late December/All of January that it became unbearable. I’ll openly admit I was, for a few days there, seriously considering suicide it was that bad. I couldn’t stand to be touched, and my skin felt like it was on fire constantly. I couldn’t sleep. No cream, lotion, ointment, wash, shampoo, or treatment was helping. In fact, it was only making things worse. I couldn’t even hug my own child when he wanted or needed me to. I couldn’t even cry because the tears stung my eyes and the skin around them. I was, to put it bluntly, a walking pus filled lesion with no relief in sight. I had even cut my hair in an attempt to lessen the weight on my scalp, allow for more air flow so sweat wouldn’t irritate my condition further, and so that I could get the damn medicated shampoo all the way to the scalp so it could actually have a chance at working.

None of it worked. I went to the hospital ER because it was the weekend and basically begged them for anything that might give me some relief. And I was given it. I got an antibiotic for the infection that had set in on my scalp, around my eyes, and around/inside my ears from the constant scratching and scraping. I got a steroid to help surpress shit to try and get it to start healing over.

Turns out I was allergic to the antibiotic (I’d never had it before so I didn’t know until after I was on it for a few days). And while the steroid helped clear up the flare, when I was done with the steroid the flare… well… flared up worse. It was agony. To top it all off, my doctor’s office couldn’t see me until near the end of January because it was the first of the year and they didn’t have any openings until 2 days before my birthday. In the meantime, I was up shit creek and went back to the ER. Was put on another antibiotic (a different one that I HAVE had before but isn’t as effective with this particular type of infection I had) and a different steroid. And once again… relief for a short time. This time, the infection was able to be beaten back and dealt with. But the double flare of eczema and psoriasis was not going to let me have peace any time soon.

Well, as luck would have it they had a cancellation a week earlier than anticipated at my doctor’s office and I was able to get in there on Januaryt 23rd. My doctor once again was changed, as the last doctor I’d had moved on to another practice. I go through this around every 2-3 years. My last doctor had left his previous specialty, Pain Management, for general practice, and that’s how he ended up as my primary care doctor. At the time he was exactly the doctor I needed for what I was dealing with. And once again luck was on my side as THIS TIME I got another good doctor who took one look at me and said “Normally, I don’t prescribe this because it’s more a specialty medication but you are the worst case of this I’ve seen in thirty years!” and he wrote me a script for a medication I’ve never had before, telling me it’s a standard medication for my situation and would likely be what a dermatologist would put me on. I didn’t care that it stung like a waspy son of a bitch in the middle of a hot southern summer, I cried. I cried and it hurt like hell but I cried knowing that soon, I would finally have relief from this overactive immune system fueled hell. The fire in my flesh prison would soon go from a blazing inferno to at least the equivalent of a campfire. Hey, I was being realistic. No drug is a miracle drug. But any relief is welcome when the alternative is…. not so pretty.

Now, you might be asking why I didn’t just go to a dermatologist. Believe me, if that option was available I’d have taken it. I had called all the ones in town that I had found out took my insurance and they had openings out the wazoo. Unfortinately… my insurance? It’s through medicaid. And Medicaid doesn’t sign off on specialists unless it’s an emergency situation – like car accidents or heart attacks. Shit like that. At least, that’s how it’s done in this state and with Wellcare of Georgia (through Georgia Medicaid that is). So, I couldn’t see a dermatologist until I’d gotten a referral. And I couldn’t get a referral without first seeing my primary care doctor. And I couldn’t see them until they had an opening.

Now, I did attempt to cheat the system, and it could have worked, too. See, the hospiutal ER can write referrals to specialists. At least, my local hospital ER can. It’s always a specialist that works with the hospital, so it’s usually someone local. Unfortunately, my local hospital doesn’t have any dermatologists that work with them directly. And so they had no one to refer me to! The doctor was really nice about it though and she said if I’d come in with literally any other problem they’d have been able to write me a referral and I could get seen later that week, or the next at the latest.

But, it all worked out for the most part. I’ve got my dermatologist now. I’m still on that medication my primary doctor prescribed, and now I’m just having to do a lot of blood work as the dermatologist adjusts my dosages and such to get the best, but safest, treatment for my condition going for long-term relief and management.

So anyway, here I am. Back on my bullshit.

But at least I’m no longer restricted to that god forsaken Acer Cloudbook any longer.

Husband bought me a new laptop. And it’s got a fuckin touchscreen.